Opinion
Non-alcoholic booze is the dumbest invention since the appendix
Cherie Gilmour
Freelance writerOf all the pointless things to ever be invented (blankets with sleeves, umbrella shoes, appendixes), the most pointless surely has to be alcohol-free booze.
You could be forgiven for thinking you’d stumbled into a bottle-o in the soft drink aisle of your local supermarket, with alcohol brands like Carlton, Wolf Blass, Peroni, Heineken and James Squire all pumping out versions of non-alcoholic beverages to meet growing demand for products that look, taste and smell like alcohol while not actually being alcohol.
Alcohol-free bars are starting to pop up in trendy inner-city hotspots, and the non-alcoholic beer market in Australia is expected to climb 8.1 per cent in 2024, according to Statista.
Recently, non-alcoholic beer, wine and champagne have all boomed in popularity. Credit: bluefern
US actor Kristen Bell recently admitted to letting her young kids drink alcohol-free beer, which, like most minor celebrity admissions, caused an internet storm and raised questions about the beverages and their impacts.
While it’s great that millennials are moderating their alcohol intake and a growing number of Australians are developing a more conscious attitude to drinking, little attention has been paid to the negative effects that the boom in non-alcoholic beverages is having on our traditionally boozy culture.
Zero-alcohol beverages are framed as the lesser of two evils, a gateway to sobriety. But what if the gate swings both ways? For every adult trying to cut back on their alcohol consumption are kids who are being introduced to alcohol brand names that crossed over from the bottle shop and entered the supermarket.
The Alcohol and Drug Foundation recommends that parents wanting to model responsible behaviour for kids shouldn’t drink zero-alcohol products in their presence, and the Cancer Council points out that non-alcoholic beer can be a gateway to alcoholic beer.
A 2022 study published by the MDPI Journal found that exposure to alcohol “stimulus” could increase the craving for alcohol in someone who previously had a dependence and concluded that health professionals did not have enough evidence to recommend non-alcoholic beverages to someone who was a heavy or high-risk drinker. Another study, published in 2021 by the Drug and Alcohol Review, concluded that “the use of zero-alcohol beverages may perpetuate the cultural myth that an alcohol-type beverage is required for social conformity”.
In Australia, we love a good beer, wine or boutique gin – sometimes a little too much. Perhaps it harks back to the rowdy convicts getting pissed on rum after being shipped Down Under. Whatever the reason, alcohol consumption is about so much more than “just its taste”, which is why you don’t see people on kombucha recovery programs.
The ads for non-alcoholic beers aren’t helping either. An ad for Peroni Nastro Azzurro 0.0 per cent shows an attractive couple zipping around Italy while knocking back the alcohol-free beers in the iconic green bottles. The tagline is “It all started with zero”. But to work in the Australian market it should probably be “Remember your European Contiki tour, without the hangovers.” Holidays and booze? Normal.
Another ad for zero-alcohol Heineken has a bunch of people through history giving the stink eye to a person at a party trying a cheers with a cup of tea, soft drink, or milkshake. Celebrating with alcohol? Normal.
Even Australia’s own highly successful non-alcoholic beer company Heaps Normal has an ad showing a guy at a bar so absorbed by the footy that he doesn’t notice he’s been served an alcohol-free beer.
The subliminal message behind these ads is: BE NORMAL. Be like everyone else chugging alcohol. Even if you’re not drinking, be a good sport and pretend you are.
The halo effect of alcohol-free beverages as a solution to the damaging effects of alcohol might be distracting us from asking more probing questions about our relationship to alcohol and the role it plays in our national identity.
Meanwhile, the studies on the social effects of non-alcoholic beverages are still in their infancy.
Rather than seeing alcohol-free versions of our once preferred drinks as a solution to cutting back on the grog, we should be building up the resilience to stand around at a barbecue or a party without having to pretend we’re partaking in drinking culture.
Let’s normalise people clutching water, soft drinks, or kombucha at those parties by not drunkenly accosting them about why they’re not “getting on the beers”. Let’s face it, the only reason we get stuck into teetotallers is that we feel threatened by their restraint. Let’s make self-control great again and not feel the need to comment on someone’s health choices.
For most people, alcohol in moderation is one of the great joys of life. We just need to work on the moderation part instead of distracting ourselves with seemingly innocent substitutes that make others comfortable.
As Frank Sinatra famously said, “Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the Bible says to love your enemy.”
As for me, I’m currently on a kombucha bender. Cheers!
Cherie Gilmour is a freelance writer.
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