Opinion
Cattledog! Bradbury and Diamonds: Lessons for the Matildas against France
Peter FitzSimons
Columnist and authorWhat can the rest of Australian sport learn from the Matildas: the way they have played, conducted themselves and built their following to be breaking records and opponents, every time they turn out? Too many things to count!
So let’s go instead to what the Matildas can learn from other sports, about go-to tricks when they are in a tight spot.
For if things do start to turn south against France on Saturday night, there actually are a few go-to moves that these sports have perfected over the years that have worked. And yes, of course the Matildas will be too classy to follow them, but there might be some inspiration therein . . ?
Let’s start with the Wallabies.
Late in the 1991 Rugby World Cup final at Twickenham, the Wallabies were holding on to a 12-6 lead against England, when David Campese and Michael Lynagh tried a little genius razzle-dazzle in front of our own goal line. Coach Bob Dwyer can’t stand it, and leapt to his feet, shouting: “KICK IT TO THE SHITHOUSE!” Only one person, in a red dress, did not turn to stare at him, and she was the Queen of England.
To my neophyte eyes, this would be my go-to of choice if the French are pressing the Matildas’ goal late in the match, and we have momentary control of the ball. I was reminded it of several times during the match against Denmark, particularly. Cue, us Neanderthals: hoof the bloody thing!
As to rugby league, I know it, and you know it. While Michelle Obama perfected the strategy of “When they go low, we go high,” the leaguies are the best at going both high and low, when things look grim. For the latter, look to the infamous “cattledog” call, invented by the late, great, Blues Origin coach in the mid-90s, Tommy Raudonikis. If you aren’t winning the match, win a fight first and then start winning the game. In the case of Tommy, his final instructions were “And I want the bench cleared, while I go looking for [Queensland coach Wayne] Bennett!”
(Oh do settle down. I told you: I know the Matildas are too classy to start fights. But maybe the principle still applies? Sudden overt physicality to discombobulate your opponents can be effective!)
As to the Australian cricketers, when the chips are down a little light sledging between friends has always been their own party trick. This may be a little beside the point for the Matildas against the French. But should the Tillies be on the receiving end of any Gallic epithets, I do have one tip from playing four seasons of rugby in France. The standard French response to any form of insults on the field back then was, “Et ta mere!”, which was more or less, “What you said to me goes for your mother too!” and it was particularly effective if you didn’t quite grasp the linguistic intricacies of what was being suggested. In these ecumenical days, under these circumstances, “Et ton pere!” might fit better.
(And one other thing from the cricketers. If things are really desperate, try slyly rubbing sandpaper on one side of the ball, at half-time? This could ... Actually, no, as you were. Never mind.)
Hayley Raso and the Matildas have the runs on the board against France after last month’s warm-up win.Credit: Getty
What about, meantime, doing a Steven Bradbury? Look, the Matildas are almost halfway there already! With all of the USA, Canada, Germany, Brazil and Norway knocked out – some of them in unbelievable fashion and against all odds – the field of champions between the Tillies and victory is a lot less crowded than feared. Pure luck? Nuh. Bradbury’s point applies: part of the process is having done all the work to still be on the stage, still standing, so that good fortune has the chance to break your way.
Which leaves us with the Diamonds?
Now you are talking!
Look for one of your number taking a resolute stand on a point of principle, even against a powerful billionaire. Unite around your teammate. Stare down the ferals saying you should have sold your own flesh-and-blood down the river. Laugh at the shock jocks predicting financial ruin and the likely end for your entire sport, just because you refused to buckle. Triumph anyway. Become world champions!
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