10 things we’ll never understand about Japan
We all love Japan but, no matter how many times we visit, some things will always remain a puzzle.
The number of vending machines
Vending machines lined up outside Osaka castle.Credit: iStock
We all resort to vending machines occasionally, but the Japanese are junkies. You’ll find vending machines – and sometimes several – on every street corner, and even on the summit of Mt Fuji. But really, how often do you need a soft drink or bottled water? Are the Japanese worried they’ll collapse from dehydration between house and office? Do they ever just drink at home?
All the packaging
Apples individually packaged at a Japanese supermarket.Credit: Getty
The Japanese seem oblivious to eco-concerns when it comes to packaging, expecting everything they buy to be wonderfully presented and triple wrapped. Individual sweets are encased in plastic, then put in a box which is sealed in plastic again. After that, you get a nice paper bag and, if it’s raining, another see-through plastic bag to put it in. Why is nobody wincing at the waste?
Over-servicing
The Japanese are famously organised, but watch closely and you might wonder if they aren’t surprisingly inefficient. Who needs three uniformed guest-services ladies at a department-store entrance? Or someone to press a lift button? How does it take four people conferring in a tourist office to convey simple information? Japanese service is outstanding but, in the modern world, you have to wonder how they can afford it.
Weird English names
The Japanese love to take random English words and put them together for fashion-brand and shop names, often with delightful or hilarious results. Among my favourites are Have a Nice Life, Soft Bank, Fanny Face and Titty & Co. Many don’t make sense at all, such as Shake Tree, Magical Cheese, Hard-Off and a fashion store I recently spotted in Tokyo called Paris Madonna Junkie a Gogo.
The fondness for French pastries
A mille-feuille using layers of crepes instead of pastry in Japan.Credit: iStock
I have no idea why the Japanese are obsessed with French pastries, but this is one cultural quirk to embrace wholeheartedly. You’ll get the best patisserie outside France in Japan, whether from coffee shops, bakeries or department-store food halls. Some are interesting fusion creations, such as the crepe mille-feuille, or the Mont Blanc with purple yam instead of chestnut. Incidentally, French shop names are as eccentric as those in English.
Pointless traffic controllers
You see them at crossroads, outside certain buildings, and sometimes hovering at pedestrian crossings: men, usually elderly, in blue uniforms wielding a flashing red baton. Their sole purpose is to indicate the obvious with impeccable Japanese politeness: how to drive out of an underground carpark, for example. Or where to cross a road, just in case you’re wondering what the zebra stripes are for.
Dogs that are treated like babies
A woman pushes a stroller with two dogs in Tokyo.Credit: iStock
An increasingly common trend among young Japanese is to abandon marriage and children in favour of a dog, but that’s where it begins to get weird. Dogs are “walked” in fancy prams, dressed in designer clothes and pampered in cafes. They’re taken to canine hot-spring resorts, massage parlours and day-care centres. Most are diminutive: miniature breeds of poodle and dachshund are all the rage.
Why it’s so hard to say no
The only time you hear a Japanese give you a blunt no is when you ask if they speak English. Otherwise, over-politeness and the cultural importance of good service will cause them to try to help even if they’re clueless. Beware when getting directions, or asking for something in a store: the assistant might spend a half-hour trying to oblige.
Always doing the right thing
Shibuya Crossing, one of the busiest crosswalks in the world. Credit: Sean Pavone / Alamy Stock Photo
Okay, I get it. There are 126 million people crammed together in a very tight space, and regulations are what makes it all bearable. Without rules, everything would descend into chaos. But even the most trivial behaviours are rigidly observed in Japan. Want to panic a Japanese tour guide? Stray a few metres from the group and watch the reaction.
Children sitting in crowded trains
Japanese trains do have priority seats for the elderly, frail and pregnant, but apart from that, good luck. Incredibly, children often remain seated while adults stand – not something my mother would have allowed when I was young. Parents themselves will often surrender a seat to their child. What’s with that? Just another of the great mysteries of the Land of the Rising Sun.
Brian Johnston has travelled in Japan courtesy of Inside Japan Tours and several regional tourism offices.
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